Thursday, November 3, 2011 |

30 Day Challenge - Day #27 What Do I Think About My Friends

     I have to say that today's topic almost feels like a loaded question. I mean if I didn't like someone they wouldn't be my friend; right? I personally believe that everyone is brought into your life for a reason. Sometimes people stay for a long time enriching your life with love, and laughter; while others may only stay for a short time but they still leave behind something to learn from or cherish.
     Some times you outgrow your friends and sometimes they out grow you. Sometimes they may not be good for you, but they still teach you valuable lessons if your willing to look for them. Over the years I have had all kinds of friends. Some were religious, some were over zealous, some talked to much, some are just fun to scrap with, some have lied, some have needed support, while others have supported me. Some times you have couples friends and sometimes they are just people you go to coffee with or e-mail or Facebook on occasion.
     Sometimes you have to learn when to step away and sometimes you hold on because you know that eventually things will work themselves out. Over the years my mother has had a big influence on how I view my friends and as I get older I have learned to not ignore what she says. I know that my mother wants the best for me, but I find that in her ignorance and often times elitist attitude she over looks the good qualities that I can see and I cherish in these friendships. I try and take away something from each and every relationship that I have. I have friends that teach me to be humble, less needy, to laugh more, to be stronger, to be more sympathetic, or just to have plain fun.
     I have had some friends that become so wrapped up in their self pity that I eventually have had to step away from all of their negativity. I have had friends that I have put on time out because their problems have become so overwhelming that I had to take a break so they can figure out what they are going to do with their lives. Doesn't mean I love them any less, it's just you can only do so much to help them.
     As I reflect on the people in my life today I see a group of strong, independent, family minded women. But I also see that these same women who are vulnerable, sensitive, and caring. All of the qualities that I have which gives us common ground. I can say that this is the first time in a long time I finally have women in my life who understand me and take me for who I am. They are not threatened by my strength of character but are not shocked and shaken when I let down my guard either. We are open and honest and for once in my life I can just really be myself.  
     I will say something here that I have walked away from friends because they are jealous. I am thankful to say that I believe that all of the friends that I have now at this moment are not like that. Now let me tell you what I mean by jealous. It's the jealousy of me having other friends. That I am not spending all of my available friend time in their company. Yes, we all have a friend that we can spend more time with than others, but doesn't mean that I love those other friends any less. So many things can make it easier to spend time with one particular person. In fact just to give you an example, I had a friend who I met through a scrapbook group. She thought that we were going to be the BFF's she had always longed for. I really liked her. Sometimes I wasn't all together sure which page she was on, but that's alright. Take the good with the bad, not a problem. We lived in two different towns so meeting up was always a little challenging. I have another close friend that lives right around the corner from me. Starbucks runs, grocery shopping, morning coffee, all these things easier to do when someone is that close. Well the distant friend was very jealous over this relationship and she did eventually try and like my other friend just so she could spend time with me. OK, two problems: 1. Don't try and be friends with my other friends if you don't want to. Be open and honest and say you know, I want things to just be the two of us. That's fine, not everyone likes everyone else and I would have respected that. 2. Don't try to force something that isn't there. Friendships and especially long lasting good friendships don't happen overnight. I didn't just wake up the morning after meeting my friend and say "we are going to be BFF's for life!" No, I didn't.
     A year later she is still questioning other people that are mutual friends of ours on what happened. I hate writing "the" letter, but I felt that someone who couldn't move forward needed a little help in doing so. I'm sorry that she felt that way, she was a really good women, but it was just one of those circumstances that apparently needed explaining and explain I did. I hope now she can finally accept what happened and move forward and I wish her all the luck in the world finding that one women who will make her the BFF. Like I said, I can't handle that jealousy factor. People do different things in our lives for us and to limit ones self to just one is a little sad.
     I have always wanted one of those groups where the ladies have been friends for 30 years or so. They always have a standing Thursday night engagement, or always together traveling, or doing something. I know that may never be in the cards for me, and I'm alright with that too. I'm very blessed to have the friends that I love each and every one of you. You brighten my life each in a different way and I love you for that. It's a little early to be giving a toast with liquor so I hold my coffee mug up and say "Cheers to all my girlfriends out there, thank you for being my friend, through thick and thin, good and bad, through laughter and the tears. May your lives always be blessed with love and happiness that you have given me!"
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