Tuesday, October 18, 2011 |

30 Day Challenge - Day #13 A Letter To Someone Who has Hurt Me Lately

     I have actually been anticipating today's blog topic and have been trying to work it out in my head for a couple of weeks now. When I saw that this was one of the blog topics I immediately knew who the letter would be written to, but composing it would be difficult to keep it from being to lengthy. There is a lot of ground to cover with this one and I hope you all bear with me on this one. I will not actually put the name of the person on the letter, but many of you who know me will know exactly who this is while other's I would rather that person remain anonymous.
    
Dear Love One,

     How do you start a letter like this? What do you say to someone that you care about so very much who is so intent on self destruction? You have a problem? Yes, you know and I know that you have a problem and while you do recognize that you are an alcoholic, you refuse to do anything about it. The problem is that it's just not the alcohol that is a problem anymore it's all the other choices that you have made in your life that affect the outcome of your alcoholism. Your choices have not only ruined your marriage, but has alienated you from you family and that's not by our choice, but by yours.
     We have all asked that you seek some type of help, whether it being a rehab, or just some counseling, and while you have tried, half hearted, you hate being told what to do, so you don't listen or follow any one's advice; stranger or loved one alike.The things that you have harbored in your heart that were beyond your control for so long has been compounded by the life that you have chosen to lead that now leaves you empty and hollow, guilty, and ashamed. Yet you don't give any of us a chance to love you just for who you are. You don't let any of us just accept you for who you are and instead you have built a wall around your heart and mind. You ask for pity and sympathy and yet there is non to give anymore. You want me to walk a mile in your shoes and tell you that your life is horrible, but the only thing that I see is the horror that you have created for yourself. Now because I can't give you the answers you want to hear you treat me like I am nothing to you. You won't talk to me or even acknowledge that I have the right to agree to disagree.
     All my life I have done nothing but look up to you. I have always wanted to be the fashionable, confident, and beautiful women that you are. And through my idolization of you I have learned to turn a blind eye for years. I have seen the destruction of your marriage and your relationship with friends and family through your self destruction, and yet I have never said anything until now. I remember that day in the garage and you asking me "Do you see what I live? What do you think I should do?" My answer was plain and simple. "If you don't like it, than change it. You would be better living on your own. That I see what you live and personally it's a lot better than what others have, but if you need your own space than that's what you should do." You didn't like that answer and from that day forward you have had nothing but contempt for me. You don't realize that millions of women would trade your life in a heartbeat. I'm not saying life is perfect, but from where I stand it's about as perfect as life can get. You don't have to work, you live in nice houses, you drive nice cars, you have a husband that would give you the world even after you screwed him over numerous times if you would just show a small shred of love and kindness. You used to be kind and loving even with all the other problems. Now I see you as nothing but a high bred snob. Where did that come from? Do you remember where YOU came from?
     You have done so much for me over the years. You have provided me with vacations, clothing, shoes, and photo albums of great memories and because for one moment I don't agree with you, you treat me as if I'm an ungrateful insolent child. I am grateful and I love you unconditionally and if you think that all of these things were just to buy my love and affection your wrong. I would have loved you regardless and just because I can't take up your cause doesn't mean that I'm not grateful for the opportunities that you gave me or the things that you have bought for me. I have seen you do this with other people close to you. You buy and buy and buy and at the moment that they don't agree with you or do something you don't approve of you cut them off. You have given thousands and thousands to people that meant less to you than me. I have never come to you begging for money, or for support and yet you have handed it out to the same people that you look down your nose at. People that should have never been in your life because they were only there for what you could give them. I may never have been able to see you as often without the airplane tickets that you provided, but I have never used you. For years I would call just to talk to you to just get an answering machine and maybe I would get a call back a week later because you were so busy with these people. These people that now mean nothing to you. Your own best friend you treat like hot and cold water. It's not a wonder she didn't give up on you after all these years and now, it just grinds you that she's spending money on a home expansion and more furniture and dieting and you just have to do whatever you can to keep up. Do you need it, no! If you never bought another thing you would have more than enough to sustain you, but it's a competition, you have to show that your better than everyone else.
     Well I have news for you, your not better than everyone else! You have become a monster in some sense. You used to be kind and caring, loving, and charming and now the only kindness you have left in you is for animals. You treat your dog better than the man you live with and the family and friends that love you. We want to be there for you and even if you never get better, at least letting us into your heart and mind we can support you and be there for you, because after all, that's what family does. We have so much history you and I and I hate to see if go the way of the bottle. You have never let me completely in you always have that barrier and for what. I know you, I know you better than probably anyone on this earth does, I see the real you and this is not it. This is not the women that I look up to and love with all my heart. Where has she gone and do you think she will ever come back? It hurts me more than you know to see you like this, but it's not to late to make changes. As Dr. Seuss says, "Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter." In the past you were always able to not give a care about what people think of you, but now it seems like you do everything you can to impress those that really don't care about you and be damned to those that really do. I'll always be here for you, all you have to do is reach out and I will be there to catch you. All it takes is a word from you, but until that time I am hear with my heart broken in two waiting. You don't even have to say your sorry, just reach out to me, that's all I ask. Until than I am loving you with my whole heart and praying that you find some peace in your life.

Holly

I think I covered it all, I sit here with tears in my eyes, because this person can be the most amazing person you could ever know in your life, and it saddens me to see this happening and there isn't anything that I can do. This letter is from my heart and anyone who has dealt with an alcoholic you will completely understand where I am coming from. It's never easy to see a person self destruct and even more difficult when it's someone you love.
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