Friday, October 14, 2011 |

30 Day Challenge - Day #9 Something I am Proud of in the Last Few Days

     I won't beat around the bush on this, I know exactly what I am proud of, and this is standing up to my friends. Not in a bad way, but something had to give. Now I know that some people that I know will read this and perhaps those that I stood up to will read this and I am by no means bragging about it, because it's not something I wanted to have to do, but it was necessary. The first thing that they all have to understand is that I love them all VERY VERY much. After all, I choose them as my friends. They all have unique characteristics and bring something wonderful to my life. But things were getting a little bit complicated for me.
     Two of my couples friends are all having some problems and I remember specifically that one couple was very adamant about how they have lost friends in times of troubles because their friends took sides. Well I tried not to take a side. I wanted to be there to support, to listen, and to help them all whether they stayed together or decided to go there separate ways. However, what happened was that I became the person in the middle, the fall guy, the person that was thrown under the bus, whether unintentionally or not. I was being bombarded, I have made my life their lives and Monday I had had enough. I wrote them all and told them that I was sorry, that I couldn't continue to be in the middle and that they had to sort these things out for themselves without me as a sounding board. It was beginning to get to stressful and I needed to start focusing on my own problems (not that I have a whole lot of them), but I still need my time to deal with my issues. I put myself on a 30 day time out. They weren't allowed to contact me in any way so that perhaps we could just re-group and start again.
     Well two people thought that I was ending the friendship which is just not true, we have to long of a history to just end anything. The other couple was more than compliant, but one did break the text rule, but what she said made everything worth while. I'm glad that somebody understands. I don't know if me being in the middle has made things better or worse, and if worse it was never my intention, it was just me trying to be a friend to all of them and that's hard in these situations. I don't want to see any of them hurting and I'm always want to fix everyone, but in doing so I became entirely to wrapped up and they let me. It's not like I'm never again not going to be there for them, after all that's what friends are for, it just became to much. I am proud that I stood up for myself and to say enough is enough. It's hard to do that with people you love. Sometimes it's easier to tell family because they are family and you know that they will eventually forgive you, but sometimes when you do that with friends you loose them. I am hoping that they all realize that I just needed a break and that their friendships mean so very much to me and that all I wish for them is happiness. Because life isn't worth living if your not happy.
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