Thursday, October 6, 2011 |

30 Day Challenge - Day #4 a Habit I Wish I didn't Have

     There are a lot of enjoyable habits to be had in this world. Coffee is one for me that I just don't think I could live without, along with scrapbooking, my morning routine of being on the computer and checking Facebook, being somewhat of a clean and organizational freak-a-zoid, and putting lotion on every night after I shower to keep my skin nice and soft. I can't even say that the one habit that I wish I didn't have is not enjoyable on most occasions as well. Most of my friends already know that I am a smoker....yes, I said it, I smoke. Statistically I think I was always destined to smoke, I am from a family of them. My dad, my aunt, my grandfathers. I was always around it. In fact one of my early childhood memories of my dad smoking was being stuffed into the backseat of the car with him lighting up his pipe or cigarette and getting chocked out in the back seat because the window was only rolled down slightly. Needless to say I hated that part, so in any type of weather my window is down to allow the smoke to float away outside not to the inhabitants of the back seat. I even remember the days where my dad smoked in bed!
     My dad tried quiting one time and his attitude was so bad that for Christmas my mother wrapped up his old pipe and gave it to him as a present. She couldn't handle it anymore. I wish I could say that he eventually kicked the habit and is now smoke free, but while smoke free he just went from inhaling to chewing instead. Both my grandfathers were smokers, one cigarettes the other a pipe and the only women in my family to smoke is my aunt. Of course I think sometimes we were made of the same cloth on most things, and being that she's a big influence in my life I thought that she made it look really cool, but ironically she wasn't the one that got me started either.
     By the time I turned 18 and graduated I had a friend that went away to Army boot camp and came back a boot camp dropout and a smoker. I'm sure that didn't help her asthma in any way shape or form. Of course in the name of peer pressure, I finally broke down to see what it was all about. I didn't start out to well and of course I NEVER inhaled. It was actually pretty funny to see me puff and blow. We smoked everything from Marlborough Reds, Salem's, Virginia Slims, and back again. The thought of a red these days makes my lungs constrict at the thought! Needless to say of all the friends I had in my life, she was the one who taught me lessons in what not to do in the future, but unfortunately the smoking habit has stuck with me.
     Have a thought about quiting? Have I tried to quit? Of course I answer yes to each question. Funny how most people don't realize we smoke and that's because I banned smoking in the house years ago. When my now husband wanted to come back from Ohio and really work things out I thought that not smoking in the house would be a deal breaker. I had moved outside or in the garage, re-painted our apartment and voila, a non-smoking venue is born. (On a side note however, most times most people didn't know we smoked in the house thanks to windows open 24 seven and great scented candles!) However, it wasn't a deal breaker and in fact sadly we adapted very well to smoking outside or in the garage. For winter we have a little heater that keeps us warm while we are out there smoking. Rain or shine, hot or cold we still trudge outside or to the garage to puff away on our little sticks. I have tried the patches, but they made me sick. I think because the concentration of nicotine is for people that possibly smoke twice what I do in a day. Than we have tried the electronic cigarette. I was doing fairly well on that one, until we made our last move last year and my husband just went crazy and bought a real pack of smokes. That was just supposed to get us through the move. No such luck.
     The real question is do I want to quit? Socially it's not all that acceptable anymore, but ironically almost every person we hang out with on a regular basis is a smoker. I still watch cars go by on the freeway and the amount of people still holding a cigarette in their hand is staggering. We always say once the price per pack goes up to ??? we will quit, but that hasn't even been a deterrent. Obviously not for a lot of other people either. I wish I was just the social smoker. We have friends who literally only smoke when they around their smoking friends, but don't smoke the rest of the time. Personally I'm really getting tired of our government and our health care people cramming this whole smoke free campaign down my throat. While I'm not saying that I can't get sick from it, I could get sick from something else, yes, I increase my odds, but when I pay for my health care than what business is it of theirs what I do. When I'm sick you treat me, period, end of story. I think this whole government push for non-smoking is all related to health care. This whole preventative medicine is there to make people feel healthier, for them to go to the doctors less therefore cutting the cost of medical care and saving money for these big companies. Problem is what happens to real medicine?
     So back to am I ready to quit? No, honestly, I'm not, but it is a habit that I wish I never acquired in the first place. It's expensive, and annoying sometimes, but it's also nice to have a smoke with your coffee, with an alcoholic beverage, or the after dinner smoke. For all the haters out there I have to wonder what their bad habits are? Do they drink excessively, over take prescription drugs, or take drugs, do they beat their wives or children, binge, purge, horde, or even over spend? we all have a vice, and if smoking is the worst habit I ever acquire than well, things could be worse! Don't judge me because I smoke, it doesn't make me a bad person, just a good person with a bad habit.


Tricia said...

Keep trying to stop...

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